hey love, I'm an inconstant satellite

Saturday: Went in the afternoon to a local amusement park with a bunch of people. Went on three small roller coasters and one boat cruise as well as the scrambler which was inexplicably a rave. Came home in the car with a headache despite the good company, and discovered a slight fever on getting indoors, because apparently I am a frail Edwardian child. A good day, though.

Sunday: Saw new Mad Max, which goes to eleven thousand, and got Chinese food with humans. Overpeopled and lonely after, such a great combination. Very sore hand, really must go get prescribed things for joint badness. Random bleeding which should no longer be a thing, could only possibly be due to roller coasters, wtf.

Monday: Continued to use Grey's Anatomy as background noise/therapy while messing about leveling dragons and doing a lot of sewing. Some stuff came clear in my mind, or at least clear about why I'm mad that it's not clear. Ate a bunch of chocolate because yes I do want to be headachey forever shut up.

One evening last week, I was walking down the hill with rushthatspeaks past the community garden, and I saw a bright green bird in the undergrowth. What was a lovebird doing there? Unusually and luckily, the garden was actually open, so I went in and, with a little help, caught the bird. It seemed small if it was a lovebird, maybe a young one, and it wasn't going to make it outdoors despite its alertly biting the heck out of my hand as I held it. (In retrospect I think it was actually a parrotlet, not a bird I'd encountered before -- all green with a flash of blue on its behind, and the photos look right.) We were discussing how to keep a bird safe from cats at either of our houses until its owner should find it, but, also unusually and luckily, there was a cop parked right there, and I asked him what one should do with a found parrot. He called Animal Control and they came within about fifteen minutes to pick it up. They keep it for a couple weeks waiting for an owner to prove ownership by answering security questions, then send it to "a nice shelter" for adoption. The cop was very nice about the whole thing. I hope the bird is doing well; it had a bare tummy and some caked-on waste, but it seemed so alert that I think it was only messy because of its scary day out huddled on the ground.

Later that evening, there were magical cookies. I'd made some of my regular peanut butter cookie dough and just put it into the fridge. Keeping dough overnight vastly improves regular chocolate chip cookies, so when we baked some of the dough I wondered if it would be better. YES. YES IT WAS. Somehow butterscotch notes were in there, and the cookies were completely amazing. Had I measured the peanut butter? Of course not. As of last night I have now made another batch of dough, some of which is in the fridge right now, to see if the miracle can be repeated. Maybe the almond milk is important? We shall see.

In other news, I am going to Woods Hole (apparently some people haven't heard of it? most famous marine laboratory in the US) for a short course this summer! Being at the beach for ten days in late July will be great, and I will learn a lot about molecular evolution that's going to be very useful for my job. My mom says we visited there on my college tour (20 years ago, I remember nothing), and she wasn't impressed because it wasn't fancy, so it's probably exactly the sort of marine station I already know I love from Friday Harbor. Looking forward to it very much!

Also I am very brave today. I made an appointment to talk to my surgeon again about going on hormones to suppress the endometriosis, because I'm having trouble again already. I really hate being on hormones, and what she wants to do is a shot that lasts three months (so no take-backs). Potential issues include: BASICALLY MENOPAUSE, plus all the other wonders of getting sick more often and lacking mental focus that I've already had from hormones. This is fairly terrible, but apparently my other option is chronic pain, which isn't acceptable either. So, we will discuss it on May 6.

Dad's wake was Sunday. We couldn't possibly have had more beautiful weather, sunny and over 60 F, and about 35 people came. It was really great.

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This morning we're meeting with the funeral home to arrange Dad's cremation. The plan is to scatter his ashes in the river next to the cabin, the next time I visit. Then I'm heading up into Seattle to visit the lab, see M-pig, and get some stuff from the storage unit. Then tomorrow afternoon I'm flying back to Boston.

So far, so much keeping it together like a boss. Not sure when I'm going to be able to sleep properly or not have my stomach unhappy, though. Probably I will allow a day of crash on Wednesday and return to work Thursday. I don't really have an icon for this, but Bad Wolf is pretty damn close -- stretched too thin for my actual capabilities, but accomplishing the world. Sometimes whether I like it or not.

Fannie Farmer's mac and cheese is fuckin' amazing. (I used 2% milk and light cream, so proooobably I won't get sick from too much fat. Also I figured it could use a couple cloves of microplaned garlic, as many things can.)

This week's Song Exploder is about the Korra finale. You can hear the notes the composer got about spoiler!

I got a bunch of stuff done at work this morning. After that I was tired and floppy all day, but it certainly felt good to be efficient for a while.

ETA: OH ALSO BTW JUPITER ASCENDING and this playlist about it. Like I said on Twitter, how are people surprised that a Wachowski movie is ridiculous? It's not like the Matrix makes any damn sense. (I can't be the only one whose instinct on watching it for the first time was to think we were meant to be making fun? Alas, that was not what the host of that party had in mind at all.) But Jupiter Ascending is hilariously, awesomely ridiculous and also beautiful to look at.

I actually like the ridiculous snow*: it is inconvenient but cheering. (And yes, my attitude is certainly affected by my not having to shovel any. In this climate it is worth it to stay renting just for that!) My mood generally is pretty bad lately, though. I looked up stage IV endometriosis today and felt very sad about it indeed. The diagrams of organs stuck together made me feel terrible, and noting again that I probably wasn't fertile anyway was upsetting too, neither for any good reason. This nonstop whiny baby feeling inside is getting really old. Lightbox use continues, though, and I am getting some work done, and I get to see Green Porno in person on Friday night.

Dad still in hospital. They got his fluid levels down far enough (congestive heart failure means this is hard, he tends to retain water dangerously), then discovered he was anemic! So he got a transfusion, after which his hematocrit was... lower. What. Is he bleeding internally?, they wondered. So yesterday he got scoped out and they found an ulcer and removed a polyp. It's great that he's in the hospital so they can figure out all this fuckery, right?

Mom is better, not coughing and sore throat much improved.

* Not that my enjoyment stopped me from signing a petition for Persephone's return, obvs. You know how long these things can take.

I am doing fine, possibly even very well. My dad, who turned 80 yesterday, went to the hospital today for pneumonia. My mom has bronchitis. Having old parents is bullshit.

Thanks to everyone for all the kind comments. I'm not doing well at responding because everything feels kinda disjointed for me right now, but I appreciate everything. Emails and texts are great too. And my mom-out-law sent the Wonder Woman book, so that's been a lot of fun.

It was a hard day today. I was expecting to see rushthatspeaks, but they have a cold and I didn't hear about that until later in the evening. Frustrating that I can't go outside alone! I suspect I will simply ignore that tomorrow, as it's been plenty long enough for me not to have a random fainting spell.

Also, I verified today that my light-headedness is just the Percocet -- I went off it entirely for twelve hours, and yes, the swimmy gross feeling went away. I was able to take a shower safely, which felt great, but also I exhausted myself dealing with the remaining pain, which didn't feel great at all. Crying and feeling like a terrible person for not managing my meds right or properly figuring out people to help me was not a good time. So, back to the swimmy gross feeling for now.

Although there's considerable pain remaining on the left side (ovary mad again?), things are really healing very well. The incisions are feeling much better, and I might take off the bandages soon. I haven't had any bleeding at all today, and a couple of scabs actually came off already. I could do without the subtle interior itching, of course.

Back to sleeping at weird times and being out of it, at least while the meds last. They won't for much longer, whether that's a good thing or a bad one...

I think I have everything squared away for surgery! Got pre-registered, confirmed the insurance approval, booked a cab, picked up meds, and bought icky antiseptic soap.

Still want to discuss with R & L, send their contact info to my mom, and set up a little email list for updates, but those are much less stressful.

Well, and do chores at home and wrap up my work, but those will take the time allotted regardless of how much time that is.

WHEW. Putting more infos in a flocked post, but the insurance company has now approved everything my surgeon and I wanted to do.