a weird breakthrough
Aug. 10th, 2018 10:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jinianSo I think I might have explained my sensory/social issues to my mom almost completely earlier tonight.
I had what should've been a good day, but anxiety bit me pretty hard this afternoon, and there was no way I was going to be up for family game night. While stubbornly driving to get a Blizzard because a formerly preferred burger place where I went for lunch had decided not to have milkshakes any more (then perish), I came up with a really good analogy.
When Mom came home, I deployed it. I said, imagine if, every time you were around people, even one, your clothes started to turn to sandpaper.
And she was like OH, even before I fully explained. "It's like that for you?!"
I said, yeah, that's just how my brain is. If it's only one or two people that I know well, it's like, one cuff, and a fine grain. I can ignore that! Twenty people including screamy children at family game night is ALL MY CLOTHES AND UNDERWEAR and SUPER SANDY GRIT.
Mom is also an introvert, but "family" is somehow a different category for her, and her tolerance is higher overall, so I've struggled to really explain my deal. We talked some more about it, and sure, she was raised around a bunch of people, so part of it is training, but we also just have different capacities. We agreed that she should totally convey this explanation to the fam, and she will also help facilitate my hanging out with them one at a time, which I would actually enjoy.
The epiphany might not stick; I'm expecting to have to remind her. But it went so well this time that I think any reminders should be pretty painless and effective. Behold the power of metaphor!
I had what should've been a good day, but anxiety bit me pretty hard this afternoon, and there was no way I was going to be up for family game night. While stubbornly driving to get a Blizzard because a formerly preferred burger place where I went for lunch had decided not to have milkshakes any more (then perish), I came up with a really good analogy.
When Mom came home, I deployed it. I said, imagine if, every time you were around people, even one, your clothes started to turn to sandpaper.
And she was like OH, even before I fully explained. "It's like that for you?!"
I said, yeah, that's just how my brain is. If it's only one or two people that I know well, it's like, one cuff, and a fine grain. I can ignore that! Twenty people including screamy children at family game night is ALL MY CLOTHES AND UNDERWEAR and SUPER SANDY GRIT.
Mom is also an introvert, but "family" is somehow a different category for her, and her tolerance is higher overall, so I've struggled to really explain my deal. We talked some more about it, and sure, she was raised around a bunch of people, so part of it is training, but we also just have different capacities. We agreed that she should totally convey this explanation to the fam, and she will also help facilitate my hanging out with them one at a time, which I would actually enjoy.
The epiphany might not stick; I'm expecting to have to remind her. But it went so well this time that I think any reminders should be pretty painless and effective. Behold the power of metaphor!
no subject
Date: 2018-08-12 06:19 pm (UTC)(Yeah, and familiarity is also a thing. I have a much longer fuse for dealing with my super-noisy-full-of-extroverts family than Akycha, simply because I'm used to them and can tune them out, which she can't, feeling like she needs to be on-guard all the time as a relatively unfamiliar in-law. But it's much easier for both of us to deal with the lower-intensity, geekier, smaller side than the higher-intensity, mainstreamier side, and the sandpaper mettyfor is perfect.)
no subject
Date: 2018-08-13 01:11 pm (UTC)