jinian | exploring depression!

This morning I seriously considered not getting out of bed. When I did get out of bed, I started crying -- hilariously, this was highly photogenic crying, the one gentle tear slipping down the face kind. I felt afraid to take the levetiracetam, to which I have felt an aversion for the last few days, but decided I was being a drama queen and I could make myself do it. So I took it, because apparently I am too stubborn to know what is good for me.

What is it that I'm waiting for before I stop? I think I want multiple other people to tell me to stop taking this stuff, because that would mean they cared. This isn't my feeling that people who love me should want to talk to me (which I still think is pretty reasonable!), it's a very stereotypical teenage "gimme attention" feeling and I didn't think I had any more of those.

Well, I am being stupid. The NIH says depression is a SERIOUS SIDE EFFECT and I should CALL MY DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY, so I am off to do that. Hopefully I will also stop weeping single crystalline tears, as I am now at work and that's kind of embarrassing.

I don't imagine the depression will go away within seconds, so hugs and cheering would be most welcome.

[ETA: Doc is out this week but will call me back. Plugged in phone so I can receive the call. Go me.]