creep

I just realized I don't want people I dislike to ever see my creative work, even if I'm positive it's wonderful and they're going to praise it to the skies. How can I even consider trying to sell jewelry at the new community market if I am so temperamental? I suppose I would be less attached to five-minute earrings and therefore mind less, but there is still the danger that someone I find annoying will glom onto me. Perhaps I need a proxy, or at least some counter help.

And yes, I am actually considering doing this. I'm not sure how good an idea it is, and the timing isn't great... but what if I could make some reasonable amount of money doing that? I might could afford college (-by-mail if necessary), and then all I'd be short on would be time, and maybe my chronic lack, motivation.

'you're wrong,' nicely

You know what else? I become much more certain of facts when I'm talking to someone I don't like. I think that's why I get uncomfortable when my (geek-boy for the most part) friends are very definite in contradicting me. It's not because I don't like being wrong, because they're wrong fully as often as I am, even when they're sure they're not. (Not that I don't hate being wrong, but I don't think that's all there is to it.)

So since when am I so worried about people not liking me? Heh. I'm not, for most people. Those people I don't like are right sometimes too, but mostly I don't really care whether they think I'm bitchy as long as they concede I'm smart. [Note jumping-off point for standard does-this-make-me-bad digression.] People I like, though, whose opinions I respect, I'm more careful to treat gently, so it weirds me a bit when they don't treat me the same way. I know perfectly well that vehement disagreement can be a mark of respect, but it's a hard translation to make when it means the opposite in my head.

posting flurries

I am hot hot hot hot hot, chronically sick to my stomach, and mood-swingy. What's weird is that it got worse after I had sex yesterday. Maybe there is something to this yin and yang energy theory. In the absence of crowds of girls willing to try an alternate mode of energy exchange, I have made an acupuncture appointment for Thursday.

And now that I want to talk, LJ is being all fuckeduppity.