jinian | essay section

piercings: Ears, one hole. I've considered other stuff, but it's a little too trendy for me right now. I like to make sure I'm doing things for reasons other than "I've seen that a lot and it's starting to grow on me."

tattoos: None yet, but I know what I want.

get along with parents: There are sources of discomfort in our relationships due to past stuff, but I get along with them very well as long as those don't poke me.

bedtime: Eleven to midnight, if I'm cutting it close (which I usually am). What I should do (and occasionally, like last night, even manage to do) is go to bed about ten hours before I have to get up so I can read awhile and then wake up slowly in the morning.

who on LJ have you been friends with the longest: This question calls for me to assume that nobody I've known since grade school is on LJ. I think that's a bad assumption at this point. Of the people I know about,

snout has been my friend longest.

what's on the wall of your room: The entire apartment is mine, you know. I've written up my bedroom for another survey already. My bathroom has a "fresh" sticker from Lush, a red lip-print, some towels, and an Edward Gorey's Neglected Murderesses calendar. Also a shower curtain of blue and green frogs, though that's not really on the wall.

what's your biggest wish at the moment: I'm stealing this from

gwynyth. All the icky stuff everyone's going through needs to dry up and blow away.

what are you thinking right now: It's turtles all the way down.

what's the background on your computer: http://www.explodingdog.com/june7/howdoyou.html (It's too small, so I spent several minutes tweaking the blue background to be the same color.)

if you could change one thing about your appearance, what would it be: I guess I would still like have less fat. I'm mostly feeling very good about my body, but I have to admit now and then that I wish my tummy didn't stick out so much.

can you sing: Yes and no. The problem is that I can't always tell when it's a day that I can't. This makes me very unhappy, actually.

HAVE YOU EVER

broken someone's heart: I don't know. That seems excessive. I know I have disappointed people and made them unhappy.

had your heart broken: Again, that seems excessive to me. I have been sad and angry and confused, and I have become depressed for a good long while, but I've never felt like my capacity to love had been damaged, just that I didn't want to stretch it any for a while.

been in love: Yes. In my lexicon, "in love" is different from "loving", and I haven't been in love for long but I hope it will continue.

cried when someone died: I cried for my first cat for years. I still might do it sometimes, but it's not always partly about her when I cry now, though it was for a very long time. It was awful when she died, and I loved her madly, and the vet betrayed us, and I was not allowed to be there when she received her lethal injection. I also cried for my grandfather, because I know he loved me and my dad but he was mean and really managed to screw up my dad. I didn't cry for my grandmother; I just have a feeling of sadness because I don't think any of us ever knew her, only her role. And I didn't cry for my mom's younger brother who died recently, though I think in some ways he was most like me in the family.

wanted someone you knew you couldn't have: Not as such.

broken a bone: My smallest toe, once. Right at the beginning of ski season, of course.

drank alcohol: Now and then, but I've never been more than tipsy.

lied: Yes.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

love at first sight: Not for me. Other people's worlds work differently.

god: Mainly I have a goddess, but there are others too.

kisses on the first date: Isn't that why one goes on dates? Because one wants to at least kiss the person and see whether one wants to do anything else? Perhaps I'm short on information; I've only been on a few actual dates.

monsters: I'm not sure.

horoscopes: I generally think astrology is bunk, but I also think it can be useful in the same way that Tarot reading can be useful. Less so, because it tries to be too prescriptive, but still a tool. I would like to go on record, however, as saying I don't give a damn for Mercury being retrograde, and I'm very tired of hearing about it.

aliens: I think that there are nonhuman intelligences somewhere in our galaxy, but saying they were as close as the same solar system is a lot more iffy for me. Also, I think it's funny that pop culture assumes aliens are going to be so similar to us. Of course they'll be bipeds with features configured like ours who have spaceflight and breathe our air! Duh!

I used to be scared to death of the little big-eyed guys, and I can't say why, but I attribute that to archetypes rather than abduction. (I thank my inconsiderate ex-fiance for constantly wearing his t-shirt with an image of one of the little bastards. It helped me not freak out about it, and it helped me break up with him eventually, which was best for both of us.)

ghosts: Yes. I don't know what they are exactly, but I have seen a ghost. (Inexplicable visible mandala-like entity taking up psychic space. "Ghost" is the best I can come up with, though "elemental" isn't far off either.)

heaven: I think it's funny that we're all making these into essay questions precisely because they're so short and restrictive.

Yes, I believe in heaven, and reincarnation, and oblivion. But first, you go sit on the Goddess's lap and she gives you a big hug and some advice.

hell: There are things which I know to exist that I can't call anything but hell. After you die, though, you get the above.

WHICH IS BETTER

Coke or Pepsi: Canadian Coke, with real cane sugar. Mmmmmm. I will sometimes drink American Coke because I forget it's icky.

Sprite or 7up: Neither in quite a while. No real preference any more, though I used to like Sprite a lot better.

girls or guys: No preference in general interactions. I admire attractive women more, but feel sexual toward men more often.

flowers or candy: I only get one? Hell with that.

scruff or clean shaven: Both are cute. Sometimes one suits a person better. Clean-shaven's good more often on someone I'm involved with, but scruff occasionally is good too.

quiet or loud: Give me a noun here. Usually loud music when I'm alone, usually quiet parties if I'm around people.

pools or hottubs: When I was at Lake Chelan, it was a short walk from the gorgeous, cold, clear lake to the warm, kid-filled pool and the big, very hot tub. I'll take that.

blondes or brunettes: Either.

bitchy or slutty: Slutty, definitely.

tall or short: Generally tall.

one pillow or two: One, and it has to be a fairly specific height for me to be happy on it all night. Sometimes another one to put my leg over, sometimes cuddling with a blanket too. Almost always a stuffed animal.

pants or shorts: Depends on the weather, of course. Skirts quite often, too.

THE LAST TIME

showered: Three hours ago.

have been to a party: Does game night count? If so, Friday before last. If not, um er.

coyotegirl's housewarming, maybe?

had a great time with the opposite sex: Last time I spent the evening with my sweetie.

have been to a dance: The dance at alt.polycon. My foot was too sore to dance much, still, but

snout dragged me out to the dance floor for a little bit, where I felt like a big dork. I was at the actual dance far less than at the Dramatic Reading.

WHAT IS

your good luck charm: I guess my Elise necklaces. "No Surly!" in particular has done well by me in the past. I wonder when it will find its home.

Also, I have a pendant I made from Fimo when I first learned caning. I'm actually a little superstitious about that one. It always has to hang from the thermostat control in my bedroom, for luck in love.

person you hate the most: I don't think I hate anyone. People frustrate me a lot sometimes, though, and I come close to hating people who make me cry by being mean.

your most embarrassing cd: Hee. I have Right Said Fred's album with "I'm Too Sexy" on it. My mom bought it for me because I couldn't find a picture of the band or anything for the yearbook insert, and we wanted to have a few of the big songs in there. There's a silly line drawing of the band in the album, and that's what we used. No respect for copyright whatsoever, I'm afraid.

the best thing that has happened today: Not much chance yet. We got to close a trouble ticket from a bitchy woman, though. It's been open since February and the reason we closed it was because they were disconnected for non-payment. That was pretty fun.

FAVORITES

color: Green.

movie: Do not make me choose between the Miyazaki flicks! You will be sorry! (Any of Kiki's Delivery Service, My Neighbor Totoro, or Whisper of the Heart may be filling this position at any given time.)

juice: Cranberry. I like it best when it is nearly pure cranberry mixed with just a tiny bit of grape or apple. Trader Joe's has some good stuff from concentrate that's almost strong enough.

place to go when you have nowhere else to go: Question does not resonate for me. A mental institution? When you have to go there, they do have to take you in...

holiday: Candlemas. Things are perceptibly growing, and the worst of the darkness is well past.

season: Summer. I love snow, but having to work during winter makes me tired. I think I should be allowed hibernation pay. Summer's good for biking and swimming and sunning.

breakfast food: I am a sad case. I eat a cranberry-orange bagel with neufchatel cheese almost every day. Waffles are probably my favorite weekend breakfast.

place to go with your honey: Bed.

place to go with your friends: I con't think of anything better than Lake Chelan, but it's seasonal. Someone's apartment to play Cricket Cricket, I guess.

DO YOU EVER

sit by the phone waiting for a call: No way! I hate phones. I have sat waiting for email a couple of times, though.

save emails: Most of them.

wish you were someone else: Nope.

wish you were a member of another sex: If I get to switch back when I'm done, yes. I don't want to change my sex permanently, but playing as another would be great fun.

want to look different: Again, if I get to switch back. Experimentation is good, but this is me.

cry because of someone's mean words: Yes, rarely. Last time it happened, it was because there was no way for me to have known the right thing to do, and things had been frustrating all day, and the person just gave me hell and insisted that things were different from how they were. Invalidation, that's what does it.

Cheerful way to end the damn survey.