reproduction

[jinian]

A colleague said today that she thought I'd make a good mother. I went "eeehh" a bit. "I'm not so sure."
"Why not?"
"The little ones kind of make me crazy."
"Ah, well, you can farm them out while they're real little, until they're a couple of years old."
"Yeah, like six or seven? That sounds about right to me."

So I've been having my thoughts on reproduction again. I do think I might have kids someday out of sheer genetic vanity. Kids are like kittens, though; they are just as wonderful if they didn't come from your household, and there are too many of them already. So if I do have one or two -- I believe that more than that is too many -- it will be because I'm being selfish. Selfish is mostly okay in my book. I keep thinking about open adoption, actually. Since I'm not sure I'm cut out to be a nurturing parent, I could assuage my genes' hunger to propagate and give a baby to some nice queer couple like Dan Savage and his boyfriend. Yay.
I'm also considering egg donation. Not only would I get paid (though I understand it's a pretty unpleasant process and one should get paid), but I'd be giving back to the system that caused me to happen; my biological father is an anonymous sperm donor. I keep wondering what would happen when they asked my medical history, though. All I'd be able to say is "well, my father passed a screening just like this one, so I guess he's okay..."
And maybe I'll decide at some point that I want to not only be crazy enough to carry and birth a child but actually raise it. It would be weird, but at the same time I've wanted a daughter. I don't know. I go on musing about this every time it comes up, and I haven't settled anything yet.