self-creation

[jinian]

Wrote down last night something that I have often wondered and probably posted before: "Where is the line between wanting to be the kind of person who has such impulses and actually having them?" (The impulse in question was to read aloud some of the poetry in Possession so I could feel myself saying it. I did, of course.) I think that the promptness of the wish has something to do with it, and the willingness to carry it out as well. Half of me wants to go back and tell my child-self that I can train myself to be who I want to be and half of me is not sure it counts if done that way.

This morning I was standing at the stop waiting for the bus to turn the corner, and I started to describe a passer-by's hair to myself. Like butter, like creamy honeysuckle with a touch of orange, bright-shining ponytail on a dark-dressed boy.

And I want to be that kind of person too.

Comments

[rysmiel.livejournal.com]

"Self-creation is the highest art."

Compared to where I was ten years ago, the majority of who I am, and who I appear to have succeeded at being judging by other people's reactions to me, is who I decided I wanted to be, some for rational reasons, some for reasons of the heart, and some for Darwinian reasons which may or may not count as intentional.

IME, it definitely counts if done this way, though being sure you've arrived where you want to be is not easy.