all your dicks in a row

[jinian]

Headline today: Dicks suddenly in line to lead powerful panel

I had two main interpretations:

(1) An unintentionally hilarious visual. Really, the paper needs to keep a twelve-year-old on staff to determine whether at least the front-page above-fold headlines pass the snicker test. (It had been hastily changed by the time I looked at their web site.)

And (2), a little more figuratively, an illustration of patriarchy as usual. In actuality, of course, it referred to local politician Norm Dicks.

It reminded me of another recent instance of patriarchy as usual that also involved Dick's. I hesitated to post about this one, because I wasn't sure I could convey the menace through the funny, and it's definitely funny. But I'll give it a try.


A couple of weeks ago, I was walking home in the dark, about eight blocks through my safe neighborhood. I had my reflector/LED band on my backpack turned on for visibility, as usual. A car pulled up beside me and a guy maybe 18-20, alone in the vaguely retro car, called out, "Hey, can you tell me how to find Dick's?"

I told him. It's easy, just turn around and go up to 45th, then turn right. I kept walking. He started to drive off, then braked again.

He called, "Can you take a look at my pen?"

What? I tried to parse this as some kind of car part that I could feasibly see, but failed. "What?"

"Can you take a look at my pen?"

"What?"

"Can you look at my pin?"

This was really annoying. What was he on about? He was acting erratic and I know better than to get close to someone in a car, so I took about two steps closer. "What?"

"Could you take a look at my penis?"

Right. Suspicion confirmed. "No," I said evenly and resumed walking.

"Can you just see if it's all right?"

You know l'esprit de l'escalier? There is also l'esprit de "it would be a bad idea to engage." Smart remarks flooded into my mind, but I was not about to use them. (I will share my favorite, though, which was "you need a professional for that," leaving nicely open what kind of professional.) I said "no" again and kept walking, maintaining a careful awareness of his actions, and he drove off.

I made it home without further incident, promptly told the funny to hattifattener, and tried to settle down.

The really hilarious part only occurred to me later: Was it just his bad luck to wind up in a neighborhood where there really was a drive-in called Dick's within ten blocks? Maybe the whole thing was supposed to go horribly wrong a lot sooner.


So here's what I was not: Young. Dressed in sexualized, or even really gendered, clothing. In any kind of social situation. And it still happened, and it was still threatening even through the humor. FYI.

Comments

[marzipan-pig.livejournal.com]

I saw that headline too and chose not to read it out loud.

"Tell me how to get to dick's" doesn't even really make any sense though, wheras him wanting you to look at his penis almost does. Except who would, I mean, the whole thing is such a crazy creepy setup.

I haven't had that level of awful/threat/stupid in a long time, though (of course) there's always the threat of the more constant low-level stuff and then the background noise that I can mostly tune out with effort (until something happens and then it's all right there again).

[marzipan-pig.livejournal.com]

Except I guess you would have said "I don't know where Dick's is" and then he'd be like "I know where it is baby"?

Or maybe he really thought he was going to be able to solicit you?

The only time I've ever had someone explictly approach me for sex work the guy was actually super polite about it (stopped his car and asked if I wanted a ride in a context where it was pretty clear what he meant, when I [confused at first but with dawning understanding] nicely turned him down he drove away, as if it were an exchange b/w respectful adults.)

But I guess the difference is, that guy wasn't trying to harass me or exert any particular personal dominance past a larger cultural institution, and maybe he was someone who happened to have a lot of respect for the women he paid for sex.

[jinian.livejournal.com]

I don't think I've gotten a serious solicitation. Yelling when I'm dressed up, yes. This guy probably doesn't qualify either. I would have preferred your polite john to weirdo boy!

"Dawning understanding," ha ha.

[jinian.livejournal.com]

Ah, but I carefully phrased it as I remember it being said: how to find dicks. Ambiguous.

I think the only way looking at his anything makes sense is if I was supposed to come closer, and who knows what the fuck would have happened then. "Safe neighborhood" only goes so far, it's not like the ants are going to come boiling out of the acacia thorns if he manages to overpower me.

Here's something I thought was interesting: I had the same kind of fear that I did about the guy watching porn videos on the library computer that time, the "if he's willing to do that, what else might he do?" thing. And, of course, that exact fear is the foundation of a lot of intolerance. If you don't LOVE JESUS BESTEST, if you're willing to HAVE THE GAY SEX, who knows what else you might value or do, right?

[jinian.livejournal.com]

how to find dicks

i.e., MIND MY OWN BUSINESS until some pervy high-schooler happens by to offer me one? Yeah, I really don't know.

[beaq.livejournal.com]

Alas that aggression against weaker creatures and people does predict a likelihood of greater violence later, whereas gay seks not so much.

[marzipan-pig.livejournal.com]

I don't know about the 'what ELSE might he do' though - loving jesus and/or the gay sex are different from hassling someone. The porn thing is weird b/c we assume libraries aren't an appropriate place to get off sexually, and we assume men ARE becoming aroused by it (and mostly we think of arousal as affecting someone's interactions with others) - if the guy were clearly writing a paper about images in porn or something I think I'd feel differently.

[papersky.livejournal.com]

You know how there are people who get turned on by hearing or saying "dirty" things? I think there are some people who get turned on by that only if it's non-consensual, if they've tricked the woman into saying "dick" or whatever. You know how little kids do that "you said x" thing? Like that, only worse.

I developed this theory after a particular obscene phone call a friend of mine got and she was trying to get her head around, and your guy would seem to fit the pattern.

It's funny, how can it do any harm, except that it does.

It's icky because it's a violation of the ordinary common space between strangers in which we ask and give directions. You'll have that in your mind the next time somebody slows down to ask the way to the library or their grandma's house, how could you not? And that poisons the interaction.

[marzipan-pig.livejournal.com]

"if they've tricked the woman into saying "dick" or whatever"

Right, b/c somehow we'd never want to talk about it on our own, that they have something a little messed up where the thing they like is women NOT wanting to. it's hard to not hear it as part of a larger daily threat unfortunately :(

[rachelmanija.livejournal.com]

It's too bad you can't emasculate with your brain.

[jinian.livejournal.com]

(1) Maybe I can and that's why he wondered if it was okay! I wish.

(2) I'm sure the extremely fine-pointed tweezers that I use for Arabidopsis would have been adequate in this case.

[eub.livejournal.com]

(2) snrk.

It's such a weird idea of a harassment / come-on / escalation script, it seems extra-alarming -- this guy doesn't make any sense, maybe he's rabid?

[beaq.livejournal.com]

Isn't using your brain by definition emasculating?

[baratron.livejournal.com]

The incident with the guy in the car is really quite alarming.

I am sad that you had to go through it, but part of me is glad that if it had to happen, it happened at this stage of your life where you're mature and sorted enough to deal with it, rather than, say 10 or 15 years ago. Not that I know what you were like 15 years ago, but I know my own reaction to such an incident would be rather different now than it would have been when I was 18-20. If that makes sense?

Hope you're feeling okay now, anyway.

[beaq.livejournal.com]

My reaction to it today would be to try to get close enough to roughly grab his skimpy forelock, forcefully and haphazardly yanking him about thereby. Perhaps incidentally introducing his nose to my knee, presuming I have a small enough, surprised enough, accessible enough subject upon which to vent my spleen. I'm not sure it's mature or sensible, but there you go. I'm sure any such reaction would be foiled by circumstances or cowardice.