a stress response

[jinian]

As the wise mittelweg suggested last time I was weirded out by it, my mom's laughter in tense situations does now appear to be a stress response, since today she was laughing her head off while part of her finger was pinched between a bottle and its very intractable cap. (I tried to pull the cap, but it was too slippery for me to grip while her hand was there; prying with a spoon handle freed her. She had a small but intense bruise a couple of hours later.) I mentioned that it had made me uncomfortable that she laughed when Dad was upset, and she didn't really remember it or have anything to say. It feels good to me to have mentioned it anyway.

In new drama, I also mentioned to her (and Cs 4 and 5, who were there decorating the gingerbread house today) that I remember being really upset the first time I met BC #1, when she was about one year old and I was four or five. Mom and BC's mom were talking about how the little one was "fairer" than I was, but I only knew that word from the Snow White story, where it seemed to mean "pretty". I got all upset because I couldn't figure out why, even if they thought I wasn't good-looking (BC was not a beautiful baby), they would say it with me right there. Mom didn't remember it, and laughed, but she was unhappy I remembered things as meanness that weren't, since she knows she was actually unconsidered-mean now and then. I didn't know what to say... hmm, I should write her email saying it's okay or something.

Tangential note: BC #1 got upset, when she was fairly small, over someone mentioning her leg hair, which she denied having any of. We all get upset over dopey things sometimes.

Comments

[marzipan-pig.livejournal.com]

I think if I told my mom something when I was a kid that had hurt my feelings she'd just laugh. the 'fair' one is interesting, I remember byrdie posting about [whatever day of the week's] child being 'fair of face' and having the same 'pretty/light skinner/haired' convo.

[cheesepuppet.livejournal.com]

I've had responses like that from my Mom too when I've mentioned things that bugged me as a child that she may or may not remember well.

I'm really curious to see what Miles and Beth stories of injustice I hear when they're older. Miles is just now reaching the point where he'll probably be able to remember things later. It's weird to be the Mom now, and wonder what horrible things I'll do to them that at the time seem like no big deal to me. Like the fairer thing - I can totally see myself saying something like that to another Mom and not realizing that Beth could hear me or understand me, and then off she goes with a complex for years. Raising kids is really freaky that way.