jinian

( Flashback meme time. )

And if you don't want to read all that, did you know that when boats are in dry dock, they move them around using giant fork lifts? I saw it this morning!

My approach to writing zeroth drafts is to just write SOMETHING. This leads to amusement when I go back through to reorganize and formalize. I'm taking out this whole paragraph, but I liked it too much not to share.

I should probably have some justification for doing the time-lapse study. I was interested in de novo pattern formation, but the truth is the tech is awesome and I have an affinity for hacks. Working out a way to do something that seems like it ought to get done has been part of my personality since I was a little kid making (rather flammable) light boxes for tracing because it seemed like that should work.

My dad was bemused but happy when I did that. Why didn't I ask for help? What made me think of that? But his kid was coming up with engineering solutions, just like him!

German dad wears skirts to support his skirt-wearing son

Surreal uterus statements

"An Unexpected Ass Kicking"

In other news, I continue to have personal epiphanies by way of manga analogy. This is sort of inherently embarrassing, but the outcomes are good.

I am being weird and navel-gazing lately and looking through my old journal posts. This is combined with checking on what other people of my acquaintance were doing at the same times, so don't anyone be too surprised if I suddenly start saying "you already liked that person in 2005" or something.

A few highlights:

Possibly my favorite ever Cricket Cricket game
(Many other hilarious ones in the same directory)

Why I am the biggest dork: Read the "awesome news" near the end of the post, then scroll down to the last comment

100 things about me, roughly 84 of which are still true

Coping with a broody cockatiel

Three letters of recommendation
(I did get the grant!)

The lemon pizzle joke, which I am still totally pleased with

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.

Note: These are things that were upsetting or negative in themselves, but I don't mean I regret the life that came from what happened.

( Cut for BUMMER )

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

Well, I feel like I failed right now. I was just on a panel about self-objectification and geek girls, which I am competent to talk about in a cultural way. Unfortunately it was taken in a direction that was All About Cosplay At Cons, which I am not so knowledgeable about, and apparently I am the only one who thinks LESS objectification OVERALL would be better than ONLY having people who aren't thin-white-pretty-abled-etc. claim their ability to feel sexy by wearing revealing stuff in public. I think that can be great! I also think it can be problematic, for cultural reasons that the panel's source material addresses but our discussion kept veering away from.

And maybe I should be sorry, but I'm not: I do think individuals have a responsibility for the messages they're sending to others in public, regardless of how they personally feel about the outfit. (See "In Defense of Slave Leia" -- which I like a lot, I just disagree with the conclusion. Not every woman gets empowered.) The personal is political. I didn't expect to be alone in saying that at Wiscon.

So (1) the panel went wrong for me to begin with; the mod kept asking questions based solely in cosplay and cons, so we never really got to my material. (While I am annoyed with the result, it was a legitimate interpretation of the panel; I just wish we'd talked in advance so we could have modulated based on everyone's input.)
(2) We were missing a panelist due to injury. We got a substitute toward the end, and I really wish she'd been there all along! Up until then we had nobody who cosplays regularly, nobody familiar with the community, which it sounds like can be really great and supportive.
(3) I undoubtedly came off more extreme than I felt because it seemed like no one was hearing the cultural stuff I was trying to convey. THERE ARE CULTURAL FORCES, PEOPLE. Sometimes you want to dress up sexy because you're told to want that. No one is immune! Kids and babies are incredibly adept at picking up language and cultural cues, and social animals like us have evolved to be excellent at conforming because conformers don't get killed by their social groups. What I actually think is: when we know what our environmental factors are, we (yay humans!) can consciously choose to conform or not, and there are powerful choices to be made on both sides.

I wanted to talk about the Science Cheerleaders, man. And fucking Team Unicorn. Clearly cosplay is a huge topic that everyone wants to discuss, though. We didn't get to a quarter of the audience questions. Maybe I'll attend that panel next year (to hear what a jerk I was?). Hopefully I can be on one eventually that talks about the broader geek culture in a way that's more interesting to me.

Finally I have no edges left of the epic post-Wiscon headache, though it may resurge in the evening as it has been. Earlier I weeded in the traffic circle until I got too hot, to the usual public approbation, and now I am eating pickled herring and considering how to be less dependent on other people for happiness. Most of you probably figured this out when you were twelve, but I continue to be a late bloomer.

When I am in a bad situation and thinking it's all due to some other person, what is their problem? If I'm paying attention, I can come up with times I've done similar stuff, and hey, it might have had similar effects on someone else. Maybe even three times before. Maybe it'll happen again later, too. Self-awareness is the thing here. I certainly don't always manage, but having it makes me better able to behave lovingly toward other people, even if I feel hurt. So that's good.

Day 0: Spent the night at my parents' house. Time change was known but still had confusing effects. Also, it turns out that it takes half an hour to get to the airport from their house too. Why did I stay there again? Oh, right -- so that I could notice I didn't have a swimsuit and get two fearsomely cute ones from Mom instead. And fit Dad for his socks. Okay then.

Day 1: 5:30, wide awake before the alarm. If I was wrong about the antihistamine I will be very put out. It's not like I'm terribly functional on six hours' sleep. But, anxious about getting to plane, fine.

Got to the airport with just about perfect timing, very little waiting at the gate but no chance of not making the plane. Same plane as PI, which was known. She was later due to time change, but not as late as the people whose names I kept hearing called in the terminal as they missed their final boarding calls. The plane was a prop plane, but large for that -- two seats on either side of the aisle. I got window, and took lots of pictures.

( some decent pictures from the plane )

We had a little trouble meeting up with our shuttle driver in Reno, but managed eventually. The drive was really pretty, but I was on the sunny side of the van and couldn't take any good photos. I especially regret the Truckee river on the other side, which had beautiful fresh snow and ice on it; those will probably be gone by tomorrow, as all solid water here is melting apace in the 50F weather.

( foothills photo )

The resort was built in 1947, so it's pretty rustic in parts. What I don't understand is that it was built by a Norwegian, and I've seen pictures of him, and he was a proper Scandinavian beanpole. Why then are the shower heads only suited to people five feet tall or shorter?

( icicles! )

But the room is cozy, now that I'm in it. We arrived too early for rooms to be ready, so there was tired bumming around and an awkward interlude when PI crashed in my room this afternoon, but all is well now. I'm already feeling socially overwhelmed, which is not too surprising given masses of people, forced dinner table sharing, dealing with PI, having a roommate, spending previous night with parents, etc. I think I'll abscond during lunch break tomorrow and walk down to the town ALONE.

Keynote address was a fruit-fly immunity guy, not uninteresting but not that exciting for me. Neat stuff begins tomorrow!