jinian

Wait a minute. I am having trouble feeling motivated to finish my thesis because I don't want to leave. I don't know where I'm going, I won't be part of the United Auto Workers any more, hattifattener and marzipan_pig won't be there, the climate might be uncomfortable, getting there costs money, I have to figure out how to move my stuff and my pets: why would I want to do that?

So maybe reminding myself that I can study something completely new and awesome will help. (Living in new places is good I guess, and people I like will be there even if I don't know them yet. Not sure these are where to look for motivation, though.)

WHEN I FINISH THIS I CAN STUDY SOMETHING COMPLETELY NEW AND AWESOME. After several months of wrap-up, sigh, but I do need those months for job-hunting anyway.

I submitted it Friday! Sorry for not updating sooner -- first I had to go drink a super grande margarita and then I've had a stress-hangover. (Pretty sure not an actual hangover, just exhaustion and near-migraine.) Relaxation for me! I actually managed to sleep in a couple hours today, which was fabulous.

So at first I was like, I am done! Yes! Here it is!



This rapidly turned into OH NOES there are many tiny things that need fixing! and surely what I have written is all foolishness that I'm going to get yelled at about!



Then I got brusque email from the brusque person saying "whatever, I am only reading the unpublished parts, so which ones are those since I can't be bothered to look at the TOPS OF THE FILES where they say any previous publication info, also I am not doing jack until two weeks from now." So perspective has been restored. PI will tell me (probably snippily, but I'm used to that) what needs to be done, and those other people just need to say it looks fine. Useful comments are merely a bonus at this point. I will do my very own best and be awesome, so there.

Now let's talk about what's really important: my outfit.



I got just a little weird while writing, and one of the things I did was alternate between femming it up and wearing as close to pajamas as I could manage. Obviously this was one of the femme days. It kind of landed at "indie rock bishoujo," especially with those shiny eye-sparkles in this shot. What you cannot see is the thigh-high tentacle socks, which I employed to get the very dark brown skirt to play nicely with any kind of footwear in either brown or black (the Naot Sea in brown, in this case). I've even been wearing makeup, which is really strange for me, partly because I looked soooooo tired without.

The soothing features of pajama fashion seem obvious, but what's up with the girlification? This is no mere expression of my usual gender identity, which is femme but much more lazy/geeky. It is visually creative, though, and even though I was making some rockin' scientific figures I think I wanted to assemble prettiness that didn't feed back into the thesis. I also did some relaxing sewing, but always felt concerned that I was taking time away from work. But one has to get dressed every day, it's the rules.

It led to some great outfits! I regret not documenting the "rockabilly superhero" one and will have to reprise it at some point. (Royal blue long-sleeved hiking underlayer and matching tights move any outfit distinctly Superman-ward, it seems.) And I might just stick with the plum lip liner all the time, or at least for the duration of this hair color.

Not as good a day as it felt like when I started. Migraine threat, feeling oppositional, getting a bit ill. Some stuff got done, though.

Chapter 1. Intro. The thing is I could improve and expand this forever; I am struggling with what to include. Like 98% potentially?

Chapter 2. 100%.

Chapter 3. 100%.

Chapter 4. 100%.

Chapter 5. 100%.

Chapter 6. Conclusions. Maybe about 70% now.

First draft progress is not the same as finalized, but I'm doing well on the first draft! Planning to send to committee members Friday.

Chapter 1. Intro. Previously published review article, mostly: intro to thesis section written, review still needs some updating. 90% ready.

Chapter 2. Previously published, now reformatted and ready to go. 100%.

Chapter 3. Previously published (well, accepted anyway), now reformatted and ready to go. 100%.

Chapter 4. New content! Parts of this are not so well written, but nice new figures are done and thinky thoughts are present. 100%.

Chapter 5. New content! Figures are inevitably incomplete -- rejigger, use crappy images (unacceptable and probably don't have all of the necessary ones anyway), or leave some blank spaces because it's just a draft? 70% written.

Chapter 6. Conclusions. Lots of rambling but pretty decent material there. Probably 50% there.

Endnote wasn't working until today, so any citation regularizing is going to have to happen after Friday. I doubt anyone cares too much. This is about my data and my scientific reasoning, so as long as they can see those I should be good.

Today it is hilarious. Someone in one of the other offices is warbling in falsetto. Sadly, I don't know the song. So cute!

+++++ Paper revision was submitted, and looks really good; experiments came together at the last minute, and the text is clear and logical.

+++ Tulips and other bulbs are coming up! Need to get out in my garden.

- After prompt initial responses to defense-scheduling email, my committee has become lackadaisical about scheduling more precisely.

+ PI continues to acknowledge my intention to leave, and has expressed willingness to help in small but important ways.

+ Saw a hummingbird this morning while walking to school.

--- As of today, tree pollen is definitely a problem, presenting me with a choice of curtailing the outdoor activity that helps my health and mood so much vs. struggling with antihistamines, steroids, probably acupuncture, and itchiness despite it all.

++ Taking the afternoon off to hang with marzipan_pig.

++ Colleague got a job interview in Canada, where she wants to be!

I sent email to my committee members asking them about scheduling my Ph.D. thesis defense in April or May. Go me!

... So far, one is on sabbatical until June and one is doing field work for almost those entire months.

Passed on the torch to the next crop of Rainbow Grads officers at the meeting today. We lame ducks are still doing a few things, but as of summer quarter's beginning, in a week and a day, it's all them. It's hard to let go, but this right here is success. We made something to reach out to all the queer grads who might be the only one in their program, and help the law students talk to the med students and the social scientists if they want to -- and people believe in it enough to carry it forward, cultivate it, and promote it however they want to.*

I pointed out the shape of our journey, and that this was the triumphant end of a story, but I think I'm the only one who's quite so touched by it. marzipan_pig, you would have understood. :) May it all continue working out. I want to have my social group without having to run it myself now!


* Facebook in this case will apparently become a bigger deal; I will be over here threatening people with my cane if they don't also use email notification.

http://scipos.blogspot.com/

Mostly I am pleased with myself lately, since it's been a little harder to get others to post. I'm writing a little series on fluorescent proteins in molecular biology, inspired by my FRET workshop last month. We also have a post on tautonyms from the other regular blogger in the group, and the second in her series is in the sidebar (I'm reposting it early next week). And there's loads of great stuff since the last time I promoted it here, from a bunch of people.

It continues to be hard to get people to post about anything that isn't their own research, which surprises me. There are enough journal clubs around that we have to know and summarize other research anyway, and isn't loving science in general why we're in grad school at all? Maybe people just don't like to write. (But how can that be?)

Anyway, I would really appreciate it if you guys could follow/like/reblog/whatever if you like our posts, and we could definitely use some more comments. I at least am attempting to write for a lay audience, so I need feedback on what doesn't make sense to people who aren't biologists. I'm losing sight of it a bit with immersion and no teaching. Wim is too smart to work as a naive audience any more; he actually retains my explanations from last time. :)